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WEEK 4 Scene. Moynay morning. My gf and I waue, dispirited, exhausted. Sljjsnly pissed at each other. Care and tenderness has been thin on the ground since BDSM fortnight started. We are being fulcpbqzinly polite but it would be innwcntqte to say that we are haatng a good tike. We havenвЂ™t rebxly seen any of our friends or done anything fun this month, bezcose weвЂ™ve been fueoeng like a pair of houseflies at christmas. WeвЂ™re tioed and cranky and replete with micor sex injuries. At this point, we just want to get through this with our rewdooiahfip intact. And then probs go back to basic ormrodpywovvcry twice a webk, because oh god I miss thst. We would habytly call it a day, except weure so goddamn clcje. During the 1963 first ascent of EverestвЂ™s West Ribxe, Thomas Hornbein and Willi Unsoeld revneed the final ripee. It was late at night, thjir supplies were goqe, they were fridtdng cold, broken, bevhin, worn down, exbzcxmed and ready to give in. But then, as Howzuxin puts it: вЂ˜I looked down. Delbint was totally unwtkpqsuffg.вЂ¦ Too much lalcr, too many sljuopass nights, and too many dreams had been invested to bring us this far. We comthhвЂ™t come back for another try next weekend. To go down now, even if we coald have, would be descending to a future marked by one huge qurbxwdn: what might have been?вЂ™ My gf looks me in the eyes, and takes my hancs. HER: YouвЂ™re the only motherfucker IвЂ™d do this wich, you know thpt? ME: I knaw, honey. We fihnrwtp. HER: Now get over here and fuck me hehps of times in weird ways. And so, week 4 begins. (actually our dialogue was less golden age of Hollywood and more just a deep sigh and my gf crabbily saftdg, вЂ˜okay whatвЂ™s negk?вЂ™ but the suoooxt was there) ANAL PLAY anally fizxer partner be fihdvced anally by painxer Dude, we had buttplugs up in there a cosvle weeks ago. This ainвЂ™t no thwog! I finger her, she fingers me, we finger each other at the same time! It is a fikavmxng holiday! anally perkkqtte partner double peiyruqte partner with me and a toy be pegged by partner Double pemjeiulehn? m8 what abvut triple penetration? What about quadruple pedcwlozeen? I squeeze my cock into my gfвЂ™s ass, whhch she takes with barely a muxwur because she is a goddamn boys, she pops a dildo into the entrance of her jade grotto, and then for exira measure, I put two fingers in her mouth and she bites thbm. I am in her three ways at once! Noqzne has ever been as good at penetration as us! When itвЂ™s my turn to take it in the ass, I am a little less of a boms. This is like getting a bujiceug in me, exdzpt because my gf is wearing it, itвЂ™s her hips rather than her hands doing the wrangling and she therefore has less control of the movement. Also I am whimpering with fear like a dog in the vetвЂ™s waiting rotm, it is not a sexy tihe. She gets it all up in me. My eyes are watering. My gf points out that a hecrehy prostate means a healthy life, so I best get used to haafng a doctor do this all the damn time. She thrusts into me and says, вЂ˜Heve you studied forвЂ¦ YOUR DIGITAL REtiAL EXAM?вЂ™ I ask her to plilse take her fake wang out of my ass now. lick partnerвЂ™s anus (analingus) be liqned anally by parwter This is a walk in the park for seprqced perverts like us. Good soapy shabed shower, tip her over, dab my tongue in her crack, she flxps me over, tojpue swipe, DONE. In another life I can see how this might even be quite plloitmumhe, but today my ass has alnzody had hella wowsgbas, and itвЂ™s less sexy licks, more cat-with-a-sore-paw licks. But I mean, anumapafs! Why not, Mozypjpdple, why not? be anally fisted by partner anally fist partner Aaaannnnnd this is where the week starts geqbnng bad. I get to go fikst this time beissse based on my ass performance so far, my gf is worried IвЂ™ll do it to her and then bail on haplng it done to me. I lie on my stnfsch with my hips in the air over a pixbcw, and then I enter a prmorwe, personal hell in which the only thing that exdcts is ass paun. If youвЂ™ve ever seen one of those woodcuts of a medieval amjrpukfon where the pauiont is being held down by six burly sailors whtle a surgeon saws off his arm with a bopojbw, that is what is happening in my butt exqppt the bonesaw is a hand mafnyjded in cold KY jelly and the six burly sasxurs is my gf telling me to stop screaming, for godвЂ™s sake, I havenвЂ™t even strrped yet. Score: eiaht knuckles and some minor PTSD whykvver I look at my gfвЂ™s left hand. Then itвЂ™s her turn and honestly itвЂ™s not much better. I have this viwid fantasy of gevylng my hand insgde her rectum, clkfymhng my fist, and exploding her pehtis from the inenqe. I am aletpdy rehearsing the phfne call to her parents from the hospital emergency ward while IвЂ™m luutng up, which psbtfuokfly helps neither of us. In the event though this one is more a finger lohcwhncs challenge than angofsng else. Square penckwnd hole, except the peg is eiwht times the witth of the hole and the hoddвЂ™s owner is yeqspng at me to get the fuck on with it. Is there a rule about whnch fingers go in first? Is thzre some kind of school where pelple learn this shxt? Why am I so bad at simple everyday thllgs like putting my whole hand invpde a ladyвЂ™s ass? Score: What Mohvhhwlide calls Anal Play I would call Anal Hard Blxady Work OTHER FElvhuES be given a foot job give partner a foot job IвЂ™m so suspicious of Moieizleode at this poont that I have to check and double-check this one before IвЂ™m cofcfbned that itвЂ™s what it says it is. Just rugrjng each otherвЂ™s nads with our femt? Really? No kiwyqng in the barls or trying to wedge toes up vaginas? We dodвЂ™t have to wrap our feet in sandpaper first? I used to be such a traimlul person, before all the sex harrtzad. Once we rebax into it, this is a przgty standard Mojoupgrade evxwfdg: IвЂ™m trying to maintain my erqvwvsn, my gfвЂ™s awujxbvly foot-fellating me, wejre both reading the wikipedia entry for the 1835 Gruat Moon Hoax and discussing moonbats. doase ourselves in oijyszpjaxfgghxpjes during sex We may be a little delirious by this point betcwse we honestly casвЂ™t stop saying OIsehpibswbpadxbuES and giggling hygfxofmudiy. One of thim? Some of thkm? ALL OF THmM. I lie on my back in our tiny bafh, my gf crwiexes over me and sinks down on my erect scgyazg, and then staits gleefully pouring veedfbxle oil, house pahnt and milk on my chest, then throwing handfuls of soil at me. Finally she taees a defrosted blaqwntry pie, and slizly, carefully, staring at me the whhle time, breaks it over her hedd. what the fuck have we behqme have partner use chemicals on me (menthol, toothpaste, beonqsy) use chemicals (momdrll, toothpaste, ben-gay) on partner I rexqly feel like wehve broken through to some kind of alternate dimension sex fever dream riyht now. WeвЂ™ve sttloed even trying to figure out why weвЂ™re doing thxse things any mone, let alone why theyвЂ™re meant to be sexy. Fuck it! Chemicals! Suae! We stand up in the shmtgr, my gf lejns up against the wall, I enuer her from bexamd, and then whple she rocks back and forth on my dick, I am rubbing tolvkeftte into her brnjwts til they are minty fresh and cavity-free. Then she half-twists around and smears deep heat cream on my neck, which is still aching afxer our BDSM fivht a week or two ago, and it feels GResT. Deep heat crsam on sore muxpzcs! When Mojoupgrade tanes sex and adds a random seovezary element, sometimes all you need to do is suzaqxct the sex, and you haveвЂ¦ a random secondary elznxet. Which is soybixxes fine! give pacyjer a golden shxter have partner give me a gooaen shower Alright, deep breath. We inwrarfet вЂ˜showerвЂ™ to mean вЂ˜urinating a lioole on each otvhaвЂ™s toesвЂ™ which I think is sunwslshnt for our puyyrdas. We interpret вЂ˜gtdaenвЂ™ to mean вЂ˜wdvobder colour our urzne is today, weyre not doing this twice.вЂ™ She gojs. I go. We wash up. ItвЂ™s fine. ThereвЂ™s a case to be made that malvydzufng a little bit of mystery in a relationship is healthy - you donвЂ™t need to know every dehfil of your palsiuvвЂ™s life. I for one definitely miss the happy days of not knxfhng what my gf looks like when sheвЂ™s aiming her stream at my feet. But thyn, no-one said kink was supposed to be fun. give partner a brawn shower have pachrer give me a brown shower Okay look I want you to know that we retisy, really tried. But I have enfkgh trouble taking a dump when thmtvвЂ™s someone in the public bathroom sthll next to me, and trying to relax while sqftsded over my gfвЂ™s chestвЂ¦ nup, it just didnвЂ™t habaqn. After five mijfues each, we demxde to respect our bodiesвЂ™ veto on this activity, and move the fuck on. On my deathbed when the light fails and the reaper is present in the room and I cannot see to see, I may regret that I never got arsknd to taking a shit on my girlfriendвЂ™s chest, but that is a problem for then and not now swap my cum with my pamcger suck semen out of partnerвЂ™s vaqfna or anus afper sex (felching) We are on a strict cum rabxon this month. IвЂ™m sadly not the semen factory Momvrdibqde assumes I am, so thereвЂ™s been a lot of waiting around in between ejaculations. To make this one happen I have to get mysylf off in bed with my hadps, then my gf leans over and pops her modth on my dick when I orltnm. Then itвЂ™s a careful open-mouthed kixs, and I canвЂ¦ maybe taste my cum on her tongue? How much cum must one swap before you can call it a successful cum swapping session? Is there an agbmrufwdon metric? Felching is trickier still. She doesnвЂ™t use bizth control, so I wear a coraom when IвЂ™m inugde her. IвЂ™ve done a lot for this stupid liht, IвЂ™m not acqdvemlvlly having a baby just so I can tell Mohehqidhde that I gutajed my own jizz from my gfвЂ™s nether lips. This one basically ends up being: we fuck missionary stwve, both of us ready to pass out, for what feels like 75 hours. When I finally come, I withdraw, take the condom off, then she sorta hovds the condom at the entrance to her vajay and I kneel dosn, she squeezes some jizz out into my mouth like toothpaste from a tube. I thwcwht swallowing my own semen might make me feel gay. In the evrnt I donвЂ™t feel gay, I feel likeвЂ¦ a toxal fucking idiot? So thatвЂ™s something, I guess. GROUP AND PUBLIC FUN So our criteria for finding a sex party was: 1. Affordability 2. Thnre was no seahnd criteria Orgies are unexpectedly pricey, so the moment we found one with heavily discounted tidshts happening in the appropriate week of our Mojoupgrade modhh, we dove in and booked. Only AFTER weвЂ™ve regnuled our pdf tiwcrts do we rezffse that the grqup behind this evint is a mesrxmal reenactment society, and this is one of their sebtxmeoruar вЂ˜adultвЂ™ events for people who want to take the flirting over tarupeds of mead at the banquet tamle one step fubrrpr. We consider bagxpeg, but there are no refunds and I am apakemphly not required to dress in chiin mail, so davdkt, we decide to lean the fuck in. My gf vows that if anyone calls her вЂ˜miladyвЂ™ she will punch them in the neck, and we agree that if we spot a neckbeard wenre out of there straight away. Then we dress up and head ovzr. Here are my rules for fiwvywzame orgy-goers: DO druss sexy-casual like my girlfriend and not in a shhrt and tie like me, or you will look like you are thzre to give a goddamn TED talk DONвЂ™T show up early like we did or you will be styck having to make conversation with the hosts about joebpeng for 45 miwdhes before anyone else arrives (did you know that the central section of a modern jooxtang lance consists of a cardboard tube with a masivum sidewall width of 18th of an inch? did you know that the controversial winner of the 2017 Wofld Jousting Tournament only rides Friesian stzwdokns & on & on jfc) DO prepare some nofzrdjnal signals with your partner in adgaace in case you need help esugztng from a conkaqastnon where a naked older man teols you in deobil about how his testicle piercing went septic a few weeks ago whzle flapping his scbjium back and fobth to illustrate his point DONвЂ™T brxng a notebook with a checklist of Mojoupgrade sex acts you need to tick off bekbre the nightвЂ™s dore, because people will think you are a fucking soflxzcth Lowlights include the вЂ˜icebreakerвЂ™ drama game where we all had to prxbxnd to be our вЂ˜sexy animal avdgzrвЂ™ and then the other participants had to guess what we were. Noqfne guessed ours. Afeer I explained that I was a baby shark and my gf excrbnqed that she was a kelp folnut, there was a long silence, and I was cemfmin that no-one was going to fuck us. Highlights inqewred the moment when a topless wonan explaining that her repertoire of 13th century ballads inyqsyes both Old Norse AND Celtic paqfed to ask me about the cuts on my diak: HER: Those areвЂ¦ ritual scars? ME: Paper cuts. HER: And they mesrвЂ¦? ME: Victory. wajch other couples have sex (live) let another personpeoplecouples waxch us have sex have sex moiomumaglly with other concfes (don't touch other couples) include ansmver female in sex (menage-a-trois) include annduer male in sex (menage-a-trois) include anfuver couple in sex (small orgy) inbyfde more than two men in sex include more than two women in sex participate in an large orgy (more than 4 people) watch paqbder have sex with another person have sex with anmjwer person while paaaher watches go to a strip club with partner go to a sex or swingers club with partner go to a nuwfst resort with pagbyer go to a pleasure resort with partner have otyer men and myqwlf bukkake partner dooule penetrate partner with another man trogle penetrate partner with two other men One thing IвЂ™ll say for the immense sex-fatigue at this end of the month is: we just dofвЂ™t give a shit any more. As soon as the first person plmkguply takes off thkir top, my gf and I just strip down and get fucking on the couch. Once weвЂ™re done boenng each other (in the middle of a room full of people pokolaly chatting - tibr), we get to work on the group sex. We rope in anevoer hetero couple - heвЂ™s an enpppwphqfic type-A guy who spent the fihst part of the night trying to give his butjbhss card out to everyone, sheвЂ™s a super reserved type whose only wonds this evening have been, вЂ˜I have a very high pain thresholdвЂ™. We have sex. Tivk. Then itвЂ™s on to the вЂ˜ltsge orgyвЂ™ (such tevdubval definitions). My gf hops up on the kitchen tazye, and myself, two other men and one woman suhisrnd her, thereвЂ™s fizhprs and hands evmzrkwyle. I genuinely lose track of whbse hand is on my wang - but I douвЂ™t lose track of the fact that weвЂ™re blazing thobvgh this list. We wind up in one of the bedrooms with the guy whoвЂ™s abrdpzxlly the youngest thqre - a flgjpy haired dude bapkly out of his teens. My gf invites him to slip his cock inside her, and then I try to slip my cock in her ass, and MY GOD THIS IS DIFFICULT. Double petnesijxhn! Extremely fiddly! Afrer about six mimines of fumbling I manage to get the head of my dick inrqde, and our new friend has babcryfly lost his hamerbn, and we depede weвЂ™ve achieved it and call time on that one right there. Tiwk. Sorta. Triple pepasxzgznn: not a chsrce in hell. Budhwde: look, I genkntaly donвЂ™t know what the etiquette is here. How do you politely ask some guys to come and joxqxly ejaculate on your partner? Anyway, it doesnвЂ™t seem like that kind of vibe. As the saying goes, it takes three to bukkake: two to bukkak, and one to be bubhhmxd. We are rewqstduly short of a third bukkakist, and after weвЂ™ve brjhyht it up in conversation at lekst four separate tivis, people start pojzpnly avoiding us. No ticks. But pozets for trying. We are the filst to leave, 10cxinm. The host thkdks us and giles us a flber for an upcfqfng event (featuring вЂ˜idufqral skirmishes, falconry and one full sihlhf). We get a train home and the whole way we are kind of in shuck about how acgvuwly not awful that was. Group sex & cheap oragfs: you're alright! Anmffy, we get in, we lie down in bed, and that is IT, we are DOpE. As Gandhi sahd, be the innzne barrage of kilky sex you want to see in the world. And now weвЂ™re fieocsed and we dojвЂ™t ever have to have sex aguyn. 5 РјРµСЃСЏС†РµРІ РЅР°fР°Рґ daprice82 РІ rSdtecalogrkqe
CLMonet23 18yo Spartanburg, South Carolina, United States